The Whole30 Diet: What Week One Was Like

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Did you know that there are eleventy-billion different kinds of diets and weight loss programs in the world, including Whole30? Okay, that might a very rough estimate of the number in existence, but it often feels that way when you’re just a girl, standing in front of a mirror, asking the fat to just disappear on its own.

Now that we’re getting older, my husband and I are finding it more difficult to maintain a healthy weight, and to lose weight, and after a recent press trip we took together, we realized the amount of really bad foods we eat. At home, we noticed that we were stuck on repeat of serving ourselves and the kids convenient foods, which is code word for “unhealthy, processed foods”. A visit with a friend of ours motivated us to find a healthier way to eat.

What Is Whole30 Anyway?

To be clear, Whole30 is not necessarily a weight-loss plan. Think of it as more of a restrictive dietary program that is meant to change the way you eat over the course of 30 days. Restrictions include: no dairy, no grains, no added sugar, no alcohol, and no legumes. These foods are actually common irritants; Whole30 refers to them as “psychologically unhealthy, hormone-unbalancing, gut-disrupting, and/or inflammatory” foods. Once your body is reset, you can better understand how these foods affect your body when you ingest them. 

So pretty much, just stop eating all the food you love.

Many people find that one of the “side effects” is weight loss, but the overall goal of this journey is better eating which means better health.

Why We Started On The Whole30 Journey

I’m very lucky; I have a husband who makes me feel very sexy every day. But, like many women probably, I most often only see my flaws. My flaws just happen to include gross back fat and a flappy belly and upper arms that continue to wave, even when the rest of my arm has stopped.

Here’s the thing, though: I love food! Carbs are my favorite, I could live a month on just popcorn, and I’m a grazer and a late-night snacker. I also have a husband who can eat the world and barely gain any weight. I joke that we, as a couple, are a 10; he’s tall and skinny and I’m short and roundish, so we literally look like the number ten. Fine, that’s a huge exaggeration, but we all sort of feel roundish on certain days, don’t we?

Being a blogger doesn’t make it any easier. I sit for most of my day, I attend press trips where we’re either spoiled with delicious food or we’re eating fast food on-the-go. We decided that we needed a reset to our system. A food reboot. We thought that Whole30, based on what we read during our 10 minutes of “let’s just do whatever diet we find first” research, was the best choice.

What Week One Of Whole30 Was Really Like

Hard AF.

The first day, which I called shopping day, was the worst. Not because of the food that we were supposed to eat, not because of the food we realized we couldn’t eat, but because of the cost. Fresh fruits and veggies, organic grass-fed meats, vegan this and paleo that – it’s all really expensive! We quickly realized that we’d have to more research into recipes and level up in food prep or we’d go broke.

At first, I took the easy way out. “Salads for every meal sounds great!” I thought. “I can totally eat a pear and some avocado for lunch,” I said to myself. These are lies. Salads are awesome, but not for every meal. And my poor husband, who is constantly moving at work, needed much more protein than I. This was apparent when he ate half of our week one groceries in a day or so.

Eating Whole30: A Week One Diary

Day 1 thoughts: “This is totally doable! And, since my hubby and I are rocking this together, we will succeed!”

Day 2 thoughts: “Where is the fucking chocolate?” This is the day I took a 2-hour nap and cried because I realized I can’t have popcorn – it’s a grain. It’s also my favorite thing in the whole world. Like, before my husband and my kids.

Day 3 thoughts: “Nope. Just, nope.”

Day 4 thoughts: “I found some awesome recipes. But I have to cook them. And I don’t have the energy to cook, so it’s fucking salads for dinner. Again.”

Day 5 thoughts: *Me about all the things*

Day 6 thoughts: “Give me all the naps. Also, can you roll me to the couch because I’M SO BLOATED!!!”

(Sidenote: apparently, this is my body learning to digest happy food. In my honest opinion, it sucks at it.)

Day 7 and Day 8 thoughts: “Who the fuck shrunk all my pants?! Why do I feel like I’m pregnant?! WTF is going on and where is the C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E?!”

As of today, we’ve still decided to continue on this journey despite threats of divorce I’ve offered to my husband. Honestly, according to the Whole30 Calendar of WTF is Going On, our symptoms are right on schedule. In fact, we’re about to hit the hardest couple of days of the Whole30 debacle, but luckily I’ve found recipes that aren’t salads to get us through.

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